Monday, February 4, 2008


Kill the messenger appears to be an unlikely title for a Blog entry dealing with friendship. It is however, very relevant to the dynamics of this important human relationship. Indeed, we choose our friends for various reasons. Sometimes we dont choose them at all they seem to choose us. By this I mean that we find ourselves in a particular place and time with someone that seems to meet what I will refer to as "good enough" criteria allowing us to pursue and inevitably create a bond. As the relationship matures, we acquire more and more information about this person and we must decide whether to strenghthen or sever this bond. If we choose to go on, we must also begin to evaluate our role in the relationship and what we expect to gain in return. Although this approach appears cold and calculated, it is not. Its actually a very rational attempt at making sense of the complex notion of humans making and remaining friends. Thus, we may soon discover a series of rules that govern a particular relationship. Religion and politics, for example, should not be discussed, but discussions of sports and entertainment are always welcomed. Praise is good but criticsm is not. Attempts at helping solve personal problems by offering insightful opinions, however true they may be, are not always well recieved. In fact these opinions may be regarded as too invasive and the opinion giver becomes the proverbial messenger that must be metaphorically eliminated. In order to maintain this relationship, if we determine, it is worth cultivating, we must be willing to accept the shortcomings of others as well as learn to to play by a particular set of rules.